Pregnancy Rants... Things I want to say while Pregger!

I came across this hilarous blog called "Rants from Mommy Land"  and I wanted to repost some of this - some of these things have already begun happening to me.
 1. "My cervix is none of your damn business, fat man in the elevator. Stop thinking about my junk, or I will kick you in yours."
2. "Thank you. I'm glowing because I just violently vomited in your bathroom."
3."I can see that you're wondering if I'm fat or pregnant. Well, I'm not going to tell you because you did such a bad job hiding the confused look on your face, jackhole."--- this one hits home - I remember telling someone I was pregnant then they asked me " how many months I was" when I responded 9 weeks they said oh we thought 5 months! (SMH! People if you dont have anything nice to say don't say it at all.
4. "I am allowed to have 250 mg of caffeine per day. If you give me one more dirty look for buying this latte, skinny whore in the black skirt, I will karate punch you in your damn neck."
5. "I see you over there, trying to get next to me so you can put your hands on my enormous stomach. If you touch my belly I will start screaming so loud that you will fall down and dogs from all over down will come running to your prone form. And I will bray with laughter as they pee on you."
 6. "I'm so glad you felt you wanted to share your labor story with me. But I'm trying to eat breakfast so could we please discus your mucous plug a little later?"

7. "Am I pregnant with twins? No. I'm so huge? Am I really? Is this you being nice? Because I can be nice, too. I hate your ass face." --- Another one I can relate too! LOL
8. "You know what, older-lady-at-the-grocery-store, I am not having this baby any minute now. I am having this baby in 8 weeks. OK? You smell like Vicks Vapo-Rub and cats, and I want to move away from you before I throw up on your padded nylon ankle boots."

9. "You know what? I'm growing a person. If I want to eat this Big Mac and then eat another you will have nothing to say about it. As a matter of fact, if you try and keep and keep me from my Big Mac and his step-brother, the refreshing and delicious fountain Coke, I will turn into the Incredible Hulk except with pregnancy hormones, and I will rip off the arms you used to steal my cheeseburger."
10. "What. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me? That you can barely tell that I'm pregnant? What the HELL does that even mean?"
11."I could understand if you couldn't take your eyes off my belly, but the jugs you're staring at aren't even mine anymore. They're like two ginormous, bloated, scalding hot water bottles that cause me constant back pain. How's that for sexy?"
 I just had to share these- utterly hilarous!!!

Thanks for following and supporting!!
Ashley M.

Can't wait for the 2nd trimester to begin- 3 more weeks!