Clever Pregnancy Comebacks...Another Repost!

Okay, I don't know how clever they are but it's what I came up with on the spot.

"You're huge!"

• I know!! It's like I'm growing a whole baby or something!
• Holy shit, you too!
• I don't know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, eh?

"Don't you know what cause that?"

• Public pools, right?
• Yes, fucking.
• Why are you asking? Can't you remember?

"How many more babies are you going to have?"

• Somewhere between one and 47.
• It depends on how many we sell.
• We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.

"You're not going to find out the sex? But don't you want to know? It would... drive me crazy!"

• Well, that's a short drive anyway, isn't it?
• It wouldn't matter anyway because we're naming it Thermos the Third whether it's a boy OR a girl.
• I'm kind of hoping it's neither and it's just gas.

‎"Should you be eating that?"

• Well, seeing as you're already eating your foot, I figured I may as well eat this.
• No, I should be eating lots of it.
• Why, because you think it's as dangerous as asking me that question?

"Feeling fat yet?"

• Whoa, I was just going to ask you the same thing. How weird is that?!
• That's right. Feelin' phat with a "ph", Hooker.
• You feelin' lucky, Punk?

“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”

• I'm trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I'm working on.
• Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
• Assholethatstatestheobvioussayswhat?
• Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.
• I had it yesterday but I'm trying to shoplift this basketball so could you bugger off?

"You better sleep now because once that baby gets here..."

• Why!? Don't they sleep?! Next you'll tell me they poop too.
• (lower your voice then say) Actually, I don't sleep now. I just sneak into your bedroom and watch you sleep. You sleep like an angel. My secret, dirty, little angel.
• Sleep is for pussies and ugly people.

"Was this an accident?"

• Were you?
• As much of an accident as if I fired out and punched you in the face right now.
• Yes! I tripped and fell on a dick.

"You're so small!"

• A really heavy person said that to me yesterday too. I guess it's all relative.
• I had my internal organs removed so I wouldn't have to buy bigger pants.
• I know. I can still deliver a clean roundhouse to someone's face. Isn't that great?