School......

So school is overwhelming the crap out of me. I’ve been pretty good all semester with dealing with stress, but all of a sudden its like a HUGE wave that came out of nowhere and has knocked me over. I’m procrastinating and hating on myself for it. I have a million projects to do and exams to study for, on top of work, motherhood and in the beginning stages of terrible 2's not to mention learning a new job at my current place of employment. I have been noticing my nutrition is not the best lately and I keep saying I will keep trying but some days the stress takes over and so does the emotional, binge eating! Financially, we have been struggling also ever since I was laid off last year...... AHHH the Stress, I plan on starting yoga again and this Saturday i will be checking out a mommy and me yoga class and I have been in contacts with my old trainer Jon and we are trying to set something up to start boxing again. I am trying to keep the faith and motivation. Then you have those people who always want to tell you that what you are doing isn't good enough or that you make excuses but in reality I ask myself do these people know my "REAL" LIFE or what I struggle with daily...the answer is NO, they don't and they cannot even imagine what I deal with on a daily basis. Some people see the outer part of me and think they know the REAL ME. Some never even try to hear me out or my story they are so quick to judge rather than open their ears, heart and eyes. i am grateful for the ones who support me always and show me just how much i mean to them.

How I feel:

She is what keeps me going!!!!

Isabella at 19 Months Old!

The life of an Emotional Eater....

The life of an emotional eater....

I am an emotional eater. It is hard for me to say it out loud, but it is true. I am addicted to food when I am stress, sad, happy or angry. It has more control over me than I’d ever like to admit. But I am addicted to it. I’m addicted to the salt and the sugar and all things food. I crave food almost all the time. I’ve been battling with this emotional eating  since I was about 22, and I really need to beat it the crap out of it. I need to enjoy food and savor it and nourish my body and pleasure myself with delightful treats and fabulous recipes. But there is a difference between enjoyment and sustenance and craving food every single minute of every day even more when I am stressed out. Lately life has not been easy for me or my family, I find old habits wanting to make sight in my every day life yet again, I remember being a teenager and when I was stressed I would not eat at all to the point of anorexia. I have always had this love / hate relationship with food and always trying to learn balance. As much as I am trying to succeed now in losing the rest of my weight, I feel I have hit a standstill, I know I will continue working on it every day but there are days I feel no one understands. I have had comments lately with people saying "well you aren't as big as you used to be" but " you have to keep moving". I get comments that people feel  I am making excuses for not working out, I say if you had a needy toddler running around, a husband who works almost every single day, in school for your master's degree and trying to maintain a house - not to mention fit in sleep. I really am not making excuses, I would much rather be in the gym like I did before but its not possible at this point in my life. All I can do is work every day and thank god for what he has already blessed me with and just keep swimming. 

Ashley M.

Pregnancy Weight 204 to Current Weight 177